Well, let me begin by saying, I completed my first week as a blogger, HOORAY!! I didn’t realize that blogging was so emotional. Not the writing, but the response part. For me, being a Blogger is like being the new kid at school or the new person anywhere. There’s that feeling of anxiety of hoping am I good enough? Will they like me? Or oh darn, did I really spell that word wrong!
It’s a weird sense of insecurity. I am typically a pretty confident person. But blogging is stirring up something that I definitely was not expecting. So, I decided to cut you and me a little slack. To write as if no one was reading. Kind of like dancing like no one is watching; something that I used to do when I was “coming into my own.”
Way back in the 90s (isn’t that crazy… the 90s don’t seem like that long ago) I went away to a trade school in Pennsylvania. I had three friends who had an assignment to me, that I didn’t realize at the time. (Pat and Dara from Baltimore and Fatmata from Sierra Leone, who moved to MD. Now, I live in MD. ) It was to help me feel more comfortable with myself. To embrace me; to like myself, curves- and all. They taught me to dance.
There were dances on Fridays and the girls wanted me to go with them. My two step wasn’t enough to hang so that taught me some Reggae moves. (I guess that’s like Dirty Dancing for black folks.) Fatmata would say, Gal, you gotta move your waist (waay-st). In a matter of time, I was able to drop it like it was hot and still be able to pick it back up again. Sure is good to have a memory 🙂
I was just moving in the mirror remembering the times, until my knees said, Girl, you betta stop trippin! (Don’t worry, I still love Jesus!)
That period of my life was one of my most enjoyable because I got to a point where I loved to dance. Sometimes, I’d even dance by myself. Not because I was trying to get attention, though I did. I simply danced because it felt good doing it.
There were times when I met some fellas that we matched skills and we had a good time dancing together. It was the same energy. They too, were dancing as if no one was watching. I enjoyed their energy because though we knew that people were watching; it really didn’t matter. Dancing was something that we wanted to do because it felt good doing it.
I’ve decided to treat my blog writing like I did my dancing. To write because it’s something that I enjoy doing and because it feels good. Prior to blogging last week, it had been close to ten years since I sat down to write. I can remember how my hand used to effortlessly glide across my notebook as I created poetry. Those were good times. Why not have that again?
So, I’m going to write as if no one is reading. Of course, I hope that you do read and respond. But, I’m writing this blog because, I want to… Because, it feels good.