I’ve been wanting to broach this subject for a few weeks now. Not because I wanted to weigh in on whether I believe Bill Cosby is guilty of rape or not. What I want to talk about is what he represents. As I was preparing for this blog, I learned that 1 in 4 women have experienced rape or some type of sexual assault. It is one of the highest unreported crimes. I know that men and children also have these type of crimes committed against them, but for the sake of this blog, I am only writing from the perspective of being a woman.

I mentioned Cosby because he looks like that person that no one would ever suspect. He’s like the trusted family member, neighbor, babysitter, teacher, church member that seemingly couldn’t be more honest. But a moment or moments alone with them grants leeway for the unthinkable to happens. I want to talk about this today in hopes that it may help someone who may be carrying the memory of a crime around, and not know what to do about it.

As I listened to the details unfold from the women who accused Mr. Cosby, I found myself thinking that many of them still sound hurt even decades later. It also caused me to remember a situation that I was in when I was about 20 years old. I lived at my parent’s house at the time. I had been dating a guy who had joined the Army. He was home for the weekend and we decided that we would have an official “grown up” date. Neither of us had cars at the time. So, we figured out a way to meet up without catching a ride from one of our friends.

The date was going well, then it began to go a little farther, faster than what I wanted. He began “handling” me in a way that I was used not to. I could see where things were leading. I told him that this was not what I wanted but his desire was louder than my refusal. I realized that if I wanted to get out of this without being hurt other than my pride, that I had better comply. So I did.

Back then, they taught, “Just say no.” They didn’t have the term “Date Rape”. To be honest, I didn’t put a name on what happened until after the fact. I just knew that I didn’t want this. I told him that I didn’t want it and he didn’t listen. I’m not entirely sure how long the “event” went on. I just remember afterward, he was with me in a cab that drove me home. When I got in the house, I went into the bathroom and tried scrub his scent and my shame off of me. I promised myself that I would never tell anyone about this. When I came out of the bathroom, I mentally closed the door to him and what was done. About five years later, the thoughts began to seep up from seemingly no where. I found myself grieving the part of me that died that day. I tearfully called a close sister friend who advised me to either write or tell him what he had done. To find a way to release this so that I was no longer carrying it.

About a month later, my brother told me that the guy was looking for me and gave me his phone number. I took some time, and called him when I was ready to deal with it. I told him what he did. He denied it. Then I explained to him what made it rape. It didn’t matter that he denied it. What mattered is that I was able to release this.

After that, I began a journey of emotional healing mostly through writing poetry. Sexual assault/rape is a trauma to your system. As such, there may be residue that may influence how you date going forward. Whether you are promiscuous or may date someone who is your same gender. You may deal with trust issues, commitment issues. The list is endless. This is why it is imperative to go through the process of healing so that you don’t hurt yourself or someone else.

I can say that I no longer have any emotion behind what happened to me then. Though I have to admit two things. When I told my friend that I was considering writing this blog about this subject, I did surprisingly feel a little emotional. Secondly, this has not been an easy blog to write, because I could see his face as I described the events that happened to me nearly 23 years ago. If I had the opportunity to see him again after all of these years, I would tell him that I have forgiven him. I don’t hate him.

But, that’s my story. If you have a similar experience, then you have to come through your own healing process. Get your own story that you decide if you want to share or not.

I’m writing this blog in hopes that it will help someone to know that they are not alone. If I can be healed from what happened, then so can you. Healing is a process. Why not start your process today so that you don’t go into 2015 still feeling and acting from the affects of something that happened.

As I mentioned, this crime happens to 1 in 4 women. Think of four of your good girlfriends. The next time all of you are together, ask them if anything like this has ever happened. They will likely tell you. I will caution of something, if they decide to open up to you, just listen. Keep your opinions and what you think they should have done to yourself. If you don’t think that you can do that. Then, you may not need to be the sounding board.

The story that she is going to tell you will likely not make sense. I believe this is why many of the crimes of this nature do not get reported. When a person is in a distressed situation, their brain switches to “survival mode”. You make distressed decisions not decisive “in the right mind” decisions. So when the victim tries to play back minute to minute events of what happened, some of the events may not be in sequence. Some of the details may get mixed up the longer she talks. There will likely be blame, saying things like, I don’t know why I went or why I didn’t see this coming. Be prepared for shame, as you may be the only person that has heard what happened. Don’t try to give answers. Just do your best to show support, validation of their feelings and love them through the process.

This link offers help and support to victims of rape http://www.healthyplace.com/abuse/rape/help-for-rape-victims-rape-victims-support/ Be a friend and encourage them to call the National Sexual Assault Hotline. Call them at 1-800-656-HOPE (4673). Let the hotline help toward the process of healing.

You can get through this… I did.

Happy New Year!




As I was driving down 95 north on my way home around midnight on Saturday, I noticed that the traffic was unusually light.  If you are familiar with 95, you know that it’s typically stop and go.  I attributed the light traffic to it being late, but I kept seeing a sign that said, 3 lanes closed ahead at Exits 167-169. When I initially saw this sign, I wasn’t near the exits. I wondered if it was an old sign.  After all, how bad could it be? The traffic seemed fine.  As I got to exit 163, I saw another 3 lane closure sign. As I got to exit 165, I saw a sea of red lights ahead.  I knew that I didn’t want to sit in that. It would’ve taken at least an hour to inch through all of that traffic.  I wasn’t sure how to get around it.  All I knew for certain was that I had better get off at this exit. Pull over and use my WAZE app. (Let me take a second to give WAZE a shout out… I really like this app for navigation!) It gave me 3 options to get home.

As I was following the driving directions, at times, I was on dark unfamiliar roads.  But the travel was smooth.  At one point during the drive, I was parallel to 95. I could see the cars at a standstill, but I was driving around 45 mph.  There was a car in front and behind me. The one behind me seemed frustrated because I was driving so slowly.  I couldn’t believe I was moving effortlessly and I was nervous that at any moment I was going to be in the middle of the madness. But, no… I was navigated around all of the traffic to the exit that I needed to get home. (Whoopeee!)

This drive reminds me of the way life is at times.  Life will often give us signs. It’s important that we learn to acknowledge those signs and adjust our paths accordingly.

Proverbs 3: 5-6 says,  Trust in the Lord with all of your heart, lean not to your own understanding. In all of your ways acknowledge Him and He will direct your path.  When you don’t know what to do, sometimes, you’ve got to ask for help and be willing to receive it. I’m a person of faith. I believe in God and that God answers prayers. I’m learning to slow down and listen for his guidance.

For me, an answer may be a thought that seems to come from no where.  It may be in a friend calling and speaking directly to a need, sometimes without me saying a word. It may even be listening to a stranger at a networking event tell me about the WAZE app, that has been so helpful to me.

Be willing to accept help.  Not one of us knows it all. Sometimes just taking time to shut down our “know it all egos” can save us a lot of time in the long run.  So what, if it may seem to take you a little longer to go an unconventional way. It’s better than kicking yourself in hindsight.  It may be the difference between simply crossing the street to get to your destination or going all around the interstate to get there. You may still get there, but it didn’t have to take as long or be as tedious.

As we rapidly approach a new year, lets become more deliberate about reading and adjusting to the signs that we see around us.  Having a willingness to adjust to the signs can save us a lot of hurt and headache.

When I was a girl, there was a cheer that we used to say that started with these 3 words: STOP, LOOK, and LISTEN! If we let this be our motto before we make decisions going forward, we will likely find ourselves a lot less frustrated with ourselves and others.

STOP– take time to pause before you make a decision. (That next job, next relationship etc.)

LOOK– look at signs in your life.  When someone shows you who they are, believe them; not what you think your influence can make them.

LISTEN– whether it’s God through prayer or just asking for help and be willing to accept it; even if it hurts your pride. If there is something inside of you that is saying, “Don’t do it.” Listen and go with it.  One thing my dad told me a long time ago that has worked for me, is to ask God to make your way clear if it’s what you need to do. But if you don’t need to do this, this don’t let “it” happen. Ask him to show you so that you can see clearly what your next steps should be.  Try it. What do you have to lose?

God can turn the worst of our “not so good judgments” around for our good. But at some point, we have to determine that we are no longer going to make the same mistakes over and over again.  When we know better, we do better. I want to be better.  I’m sure you do too.

Only 16 more days until 2015!



Some of the recent blogs have been a little heavy so, today I wanted to lighten it up a little. Today’s blog has a featured blogger, her name is Sandra Felton. She is known as The Organizer Lady, she has an organization called, Messies Anonymous.  I have never met Ms. Felton, but I heard her several years ago on a radio show called, Focus on the Family. She was a teacher and a pastor’s wife who was having an issue with tidiness and organization. One day she met a woman who gave her incite on cleaning and de-cluttering. This one encounter sparked a movement with Ms. Felton and she began to teach people about how to have a more organized, less messy home and life. She has since written several books about the Messies Anonymous movement.

Let me give you a little history about me so that you understand why I want to give attention to this organization.  I can remember when I was a 20 something.  I met this guy that I thought was beyond gorgeous. One evening shortly after I came from work, he called me and said that he was about 10 minutes away and wanted to know if he could stop by. Of course I said yes.  When I got off the phone and looked around my apartment, I was like… omg! I was in such a hurry when I was getting ready for work that morning, that my apartment looked like my closets had thrown up every stitch of clothing that I owned!  I wasn’t exactly fresh since I had just gotten off work. I had 10 minutes to get myself and the apartment “presentation clean”. You know what I mean? Your body is smelling fresh in all the “appropriate places”.  There are no rings around the bathroom sink and toilet, and nothing sticky on the table. You sprint throwing stuff in closets, drawers, bathtub, and the oven… any place you can so that the place looks like you just cleaned it. You have good intentions to put everything in it’s rightful place…. later.

So I rushed through the apartment as if I were the next contestant on the Price is Right with my makeup and tooth brush in hand, still shoving stuff in the coat closet when the door bell rang. I gave the place another glance over, pushed up the bra, leaned on the door frame as I smiled and opened the door. Hello, I said calmly, while catching my breath.  He answered, Hi, you sound like you’re out of breath.  To which I responded, it’s because you’ve got me breathless baby 🙂 lol!

I some how developed a habit of putting things away later.  I have never been super neat.  I’m not saying that I’m sloppy just not the person who cleans to relax. When you throw a husband and two kids in the mix of that there are times when I feel like, there’s gotta be a better way to keep the place clean and organized.

Have you ever mopped, then by the end of the day there are dirty boot prints and globs of grape jelly on the floor! REALLY… ugh!! When you go over to you friend’s house, everything is seemingly immaculate. Little trinkets on the table. Their kitchen table is already set with REAL plates, silverware and ironed napkins.  They encourage you to let your kids go, but you know as you do the mommy perusal around the room that your kids would destroy this place in no time flat, like the Incredible Hulk meets Barbie! You spend the next 30 minutes saying, Stop! Put that down! Oh, I’m sorry… I think I can fix that. Boy sit down! You take them back home and the destruction continues… cuz this is life!! (Heavy sigh)

Messies Anonymous offers help to people who like me could use a little help getting things in order.  You don’t necessarily consider yourself a sloppy person, just… well… lets just say, Neatly challenged.  I read a few of the Organizer Lady’s blogs last night and felt inclined to share one with you.  I hope that you find it helpful.  Feel free to check out www.messies.com

Below, is an excerpt from Sandy Felton’s blog, The Organizer Lady.  Please click on her link to continue reading.  Happy Organizing!

THE ORGANIZER LADY® is designed to help messy people who long for order and beauty in their lives.

Friday, October 31, 2014


5 Days to a Clutter Free House
A popular book by Sandra Felton and Marsha Sims!

With this systematic, team-based approach, even the
most overwhelming de-cluttering job becomes doable.

Read an excerpt below in “Did You Know”?

Contents of New Ideas for Today

  1. Message of the Day – The Organizing Journey
  1. Did You Know?
  1. Habit of the Day
  1. Family Reminder of the Day
  1. Quote of the Day
  1. Question of The Day
  1. From the Trenches – One Question
  1. More Info


1. Message of the Day


At a convention of the National Association of Professional\Organizers,
several organizers mentioned to me a favorite motto of theirs:
“Organization is a journey, not a destination.”

What does this really mean? Before you read further, pause a
moment and think about what you think it may mean.

It means that getting the house organized is not the whole
answer. Getting the house organized (as by yourself or a
professional organizer) is important but the real long term
answer is to change your daily habits consistently.

Following good habits and routines is the journey that will
make the organizational difference.

Here are two ideas to establish consistency with daily habits.

First – Get familiar with “The 4 Legs of the Organizing Table” on which much organizing success rests!

Second – Consider using our system to gently guide you in a fun way to keep up with the maintenance and continual de-cluttering of your home. Perhaps The K.I.S.S. (Keep It Super Simple) Flipper Method for Home Organizing and Maintenance will work for you? See below for more information.


2. Did You Know?

Here is an excerpt from the Introduction of 5 Days to a Clutter Free House.

“What You Need to Know to Get Started

Have you ever wanted to be on one of those clean-up-your-mess-in-a-jiffy reality TV shows? That would be so quick and easy, you think. I wish they (to continue reading, please follow:http://theorganizerlady.blogspot.com/2014_10_01_archive.html )



Happy Monday Friends of the Blog! I hope that you had a great weekend. Today’s blog is a Two-for-one that I will try to keep short and sweet.

Over the weekend, I went to a birthday party and a brunch.  During both events, the hostess went to some effort to try to find a place that would accommodate the number of RSVPs that she received. ( RSVP which means “please reply.” The person sending the invitation wo­uld like you to tell him or her whether you accept or decline the invitation.) At both the birthday gathering and the brunch, people RSVP’d and didn’t show up or notify the host that they were not coming. I realize that some people may think, well… it’s just so and so… they won’t miss me, they will have other people there.  But, when they were considering a venue- they had YOU in mind. When they were considering the seating- they had YOU in mind. When they were considering the food- They had YOU in mind.  When you didn’t show up- They had YOU on their mind.  If you are not able to keep your RSVP, please do the host and everyone else a favor, say that you aren’t coming before the event starts so that we can enjoy our festivities without having YOU on our mind.  One day you may host something and you will want that same courtesy extended to you. A little bit of courtesy goes a long way.

My second thought for today is crossing the street. You may be thinking, Seriously, Angela… crossing the street! Isn’t that common sense?  I’m learning that common sense ain’t exactly common to all people.  Common sense is based on learning and experience.  I see more and more that some people were never taught how to properly cross the street.  I’m sure you’ve seen these people too.

I see a blind person walk to a bus stop on a very busy street almost every morning as I take my son to school.  I’m assuming that he does this successfully because someone taught him how.  I have yet to hear about a blind person getting hit by a car. It’s the sighted person who thinks that they can race oncoming traffic or the person who walks in dark colors when its dark outside, that unfortunately gets hit. These things aren’t smart!

I wanted to mention street walking safety because it’s the holiday season and at sometime, we will all likely be the driver as well as the pedestrian when doing our shopping or attending holiday festivities.  As a driver or a pedestrian, you have to pay attention to your surroundings and do not assume that it’s always safe to cross the street, even if you have the right of way. Take a moment and look both ways. Think about it this way, how many times have you been driving with a lot on your mind? How often do you have kids yelling in the background or maybe there is sun glare.  Any number of things could be going on. Then all of a sudden, there’s a person inches from the front of your car.  Many accidents happen in parking lots because people aren’t really paying attention.

Here’s an excerpt from a Parking lot safety link:

Be cautious and aware of your surroundings when walking in a parking lot.

  • Do not assume that drivers can see you when you can see them. In many cases, the pedestrian sees and hears a vehicle before a driver can see the pedestrian due to blind spots in vehicles.
  • Treat the parking lot like a street. Look both ways before crossing, use crosswalks, and always use sidewalks whenever possible.
  • Walk down the parking lots aisles and not in-between vehicles when walking to and from your vehicle.
  • Try to avoid areas where it would be hard for a driver to see you , for instance in loading dock areas. Try to walk in groups when in a parking lot, it makes it easier for driver to see.
  • In bad weather like snow, wear proper footwear to provide adequate traction to avoid slipping and falling.

My friend Valerie’s mom has a poem that she would recite when they were growing up about the Right of Way. Please keep it in mind as you shop and cross the street.  Just waiting a few seconds could literally save your life.  Have a happy and safe shopping season!

Here lies the body of Julian Gray
Who died while taking the right away
She was right, dead right
As she walked along
But she’s just as dead
As if she’d been wrong.

Safe Havens

babyThis blog is probably the most important blog that I have written thus far.   It’s important because your help is needed.  Please don’t just read this one and not give some type of response.  Your help is being requested and is necessary.  

As you may remember, a few weeks ago, I did a blog about Safe Havens.  A Safe Haven is a place where a mother or a responsible adult may bring a newborn if the mother feels that she is unable to care for it. She can hand the baby to a person at the facility. They will accept the baby without asking any questions and mother will not face abandonment charges when she does this. Safe Havens vary depending upon your state. But they are typically, hospitals, fire and/or police stations. To get a better understanding, here is an excerpt from Safe Haven Organization, AMT Children of Hope’s webpage:

When a woman in need of help with a crisis pregnancy contacts our nationwide hotline, we find out whether she wishes to make a parenting plan, an adoption plan or, as a last resort, a safe and anonymous relinquishment as outlined by the safe haven law in her state. If she wishes to parent her newborn but, for example, is frightened to reveal the pregnancy to her family or is in a domestic violence situation, we connect her with appropriate social services, offer counseling and support, and assist her in preparing for her transition to parenthood. We also often work with birthmothers families to ensure a stable support system for birth mothers and their babies.

Last Monday, I received a phone call from Timothy Jaccard, he is known as “The Father of Safe Haven”.  He is one of the founders of Safe Havens.  We spoke briefly about my desire to get the word out about Safe Havens.  He told me that they saved over 700 babies last year! That’s wonderful. I mentioned to him that though this is great.  Not enough people even know that they exist.  I’ve never even seen a Safe Haven commercial.

We’ve been hearing about babies being left on the side of the road. Recently, one was found crying in a storm drain by some bikers. I believe in many cases, the woman doesn’t know what to do. I asked my 19 year old baby sitter if she had even heard of a Safe Haven, she had not.   As a young person, if she doesn’t know about this, then what advice could she offer a friend who was in a desperate situation.  I believe this has to change.

Scott Cohen, one of the directors at AMT Children of Hope (that’s the name of Timothy Jaccard’s organization) said that they don’t have commercial advertising due to the following:

We receive “ZERO” tax dollars and are a 100% volunteer organization as well as a 501c3 Not for Profit. We rely heavily on financial donations and most of our collections go to help pay for care and medical bills of the birth mothers in our programs as well as roadway, Hospital and other signage. I hope you can see where most of our budget goes with very little left over for commercials.

People do advertising and are on the news for just about anything.  I know that you don’t have to pay to be on the news. But, I don’t know how to get them the attention that they are due.  If you know how they can get their word out through the media or through advertising could you let  them know? Their Business Office phone number is 516-781-3511 or by web https://www.amtchildrenofhope.com/PublicFormsView.php?uFI=1675754583    Mr. Jaccard will also receive a link to this blog.  When you contact the organization, you can let them know that you are one of the Friends of Angela Alexander’s blog and that you want to help.

Mr. Jaccard offered to send me some posters and awareness information.  The posters are like the domestic violence posters, that you would find in places like doctor’s office or a changing room. I’m asking anyone who has the ability to put a poster in a restroom, changing room, locker room etc.; any place where a woman or a girl may see it, to please put one up.   This one simple act could literally save the life of a newborn.  In the bible, Hosea 4:6 says that we perish for a lack of knowledge.   This organization gives statewide knowledge to women so that these newborn babies don’t have to perish.

If you are willing to put up a poster, please contact me at, Angela at usmama4@yahoo.com. The next time I’m in contact with Timothy Jaccard, I would like to convey to him that there are people who believe in what Safe Havens are doing and are willing to help the cause.

Many of us give end of the year contributions.  I’m asking anyone who is able to send a donation even if it’s a dollar all the way up to as many “zeros and commas” that you can spare, to please help AMT Children of Hope.  http://www.amtchildrenofhope.com/Donate.php  I’m asking this because they help save lives of newborns.  In my opinion, that’s pretty important. Don’t you agree?

Please see the link below for frequently asked questions about Safe Havens. Please read it and also please respond with how you can help.


Thanks you in advance, please let me hear from you soon!

As always, I kindly welcome your opinions and responses even if they differ from mine.  After all, you are Friends of the Blog.

Ho Ho No!

Santa-chimney_thumb  I’m probably in the minority with my opinion about today’s topic.  The older I get, the more I feel that trying to get kids to believe in Santa Claus is a waste of time.

Let me explain why I feel this way.  I’m always telling my son to tell me the truth, even if he thinks it’s bad.  So, why should I as his parent harp on this unnecessary lie about Santa? When he was three, we were watching something that had a tooth fairy in it.  He said to me, “So, why does a fairy need my teeth?”  If he has enough sense to reason that at three, he can likely figure out that no one is going to come down our fireplace carrying a bag of toys!

When we annually cram the fable of Santa down our kids throats and refute any sensible rebuttal, we teach commercialism in our homes to our children.  Yet we complain about how commercial the holiday is. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with Santa.  I’m not a Santa hater.  I’m just questioning, why is Santa necessary? Is he the wonder of Christmas?

I remember as a kid thinking that there was a lot wrong with this story.  I also worried that our neighbor’s dog named, Foots was going to attack Santa Claus and mess Christmas up for everybody!   I questioned the fact that we didn’t have a fireplace.  I looked up at the sky for any signs of reindeer around 8:30, because Santa was suppose to come around 9 o’clock when my brothers and I went to bed.

I found out that there was no Santa when my parents left the presents in the back of the station wagon one year. Honestly, knowing that they bought the gifts made more sense to me than believing a portly old fellow, scales the sky, clad with toys, drawn by reindeer. He sees me when I’m sleeping. He knows when I’m awake. He knows when I’ve been bad or good so be good for goodness sake.

See how confusing that is… no one knows if I’m sleeping or awake, bad or good except for God.  He’s the ONLY one who sees and knows ALL!

Why is Santa more palatable than saying that we celebrate Jesus’ birth on Christmas day?  We give because God loves us and gave us Jesus as a gift to the world.  We give gifts because we love you and because we follow God’s example of giving shown in John 3:16-17

      16 For God so loved the world that he gave his one and only Son, that whoever believes in him shall not perish but have eternal life. 17 For God did not send his Son into the world to condemn the world, but to save the world through him.

This is the reason that we celebrate Christmas.

I’ve been telling my son since he’s was old enough to open presents that gifts come from mommy and daddy, not Santa.  I was bothered on Wednesday when we went to Walmart, and he said, I hope I see Santa so that I can tell him what I want for Christmas.  I said, “Son, mommy and daddy buy your gifts.” He looked at me confused.  I didn’t teach him Santa, his school did. A school that’s in a church! Why can’t the church at least emphasize Christ over Santa Claus?  There’s even a Santa coming to the school in the middle of the month. The Christmas play has a manger, but… Santa Claus is coming to town!

I remember when my son was 2. I told his daycare teacher that we don’t teach our son about Santa.  She thought that I was saying that we didn’t celebrate Christmas.  She said, “Why, are you Jehovah Witness or something?” I responded, No we aren’t, we just want the focus to be more on Jesus. She shrugged her shoulders as if I were saying something strange. Why should this be a strange thing?

Many of the traditions that we follow today have a Christian origin even Santa. Of course, most of us know that Santa, was a kind Bishop named St. Nicholas (to see who Saint Nicholas was, click on the link. Very interesting read, http://www.stnicholascenter.org/pages/who-is-st-nicholas/ )  Though he was a good man, he still does not deserve the credit for the love and sacrifice that you make for your children.

Most of us work hard for the money why give the credit of your giving to someone else? Especially someone who doesn’t even exist!  Why not express love on Christmas day? I love you… that’s why I’m sacrificing for you.  Truth be told, a lot of us will be paying bills late because of Christmas.  For some, there’s only one pay day between now and Christmas.  If Santa were really coming… you wouldn’t have to worry about any bills!

I realize that not everyone who reads this blog is a Christian.  Perhaps, the blog will just give you something to think about. Regardless of what you believe or how you celebrate this Christmas, I hope that your season is filled with love, peace, goodwill and honesty.

If you are a person of faith, please make sure you incorporate Jesus into your Christmas.  Even if you are not a person of faith, please let your kids know that you bought those gifts, but they are the best gift of all to you.

Happy 24 days ’til Christmas!

As always, I kindly welcome your opinions and responses even if they differ from mine.  After all, you are Friends of the Blog.