It’s amazing how people think that they know you because of what they read on Facebook post. They feel that they know you because you shared your pictures. They assume that life must be picturesque and trouble free. It’s their perception. As we know, perception does not always equal reality.

Those who know me personally on this blog, know that I smile a lot. A few years ago, the name, Sunshine kept following me. Typically, during an encounter with me, a person will laugh or smile, because I’m likely going to say something funny. I’m very personable. Some would even consider, a “happy go lucky”, extroverted type.

Few people know me well enough to know that I’m actually quite introverted and relish time by myself. I can spend hours even days alone and it doesn’t bother me, I actually crave it. Which can make marriage and motherhood a challenge at times. My kids don’t care if I want to be alone. They are more like, “You are mama. Get up and make us a sandwich. When we are done eating we are gonna sleep in your bed with our feet in your face! 🙂

It’s interesting because I didn’t realize I had this “glitch” until after I got married. I got married at age, 38. I left home at age 20. So, I’ve had about 18 years of being on my own rhythm about life as a grown up. Y’all need to pray for my husband. I know it’s rough being married to me. I’ve gotten so use to being on my own rhythm that sometimes, I’m rude and sarcastic. I don’t naturally think about walking together. I don’t always think partnership, but sole proprietorship of my life and plans. The worst part about it is, I don’t even want to talk about it. Why?  Because, it’s a selfish and ugly part of my personality that I’m constantly asking God to help me with it.

I don’t imagine that anyone would guess that about me. Or when you see the picture of my family of four that you would imagine that we have tough days. That when you see those two handsome little boys that there were actually two other babies that didn’t make it. That there are days that though I’m grateful for the gift of wife and motherhood, that I I still have to pray that God help me to love them. Shoot, help me to be kind to people. Because my instinct wants to slap the stuffing out of some folks.  I’m guessing that you would never imagine that this thought would ever be behind my big ole smile. But it has.

My point is people are not always as there appear.

Only a few people know this; I just feel like sharing it now. Twice last year, I learned that there was a person who was saying unkind things about me, not because they know me, but because of what they perceived. In November, I learned that I was not only spoken ill of, but also hated. To be honest, it shook me. I’ve met people that I didn’t necessarily care for, but to go as far as to literally hate someone, well… to me that’s inconceivable. But it’s because of perception.

It can be perceived that because a person looks happy; that they don’t have to go through their share of challenges and dark days. But as we know, that’s not true.

As I talked to people last year, I learned that the end of 2015 was a dark and difficult time to say the least. You wouldn’t necessarily know that they were at the end of their rope by looking at them. But quite a few people, me included, found it to be tough. It reminds me of the 23rd Psalm. There’s a verse that says, Though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, you are with me.

A valley is a low lying place; a depression with two mountains between it; where it’s difficult to see the sun. There is a river running through it. When you look at it according to a perspective of life. It’s a place where you feel down and discourage where you can’t see the sun or get a light, illumination, revelation on what you are going through. You aren’t sure which way to turn or which direction is right because there’s a shadow; something that’s there, that seems to be blocking out the light.  The weight of what you are carrying may seem like it’s going to kill you. It’s a shadow of death. It seems to separate you from God, your source of light and knowledge. But it’s just a shadow. Keep walking. This verse gives hope; it gives encouragement because it is perceived that God is not there. That you have somehow been left alone.

When I looked up the definition of the valley. I read that there is a river running through it. The water; the substance of life is there in the depression. All that you need in your valley, to make it through it, is right there, carving a pattern in your life.

In a valley, the water will form the shape of a V or a U. In your life, the pattern is, though you walk through the valley of the shadow of death. He is with you. You can put your confidence in that. It’s an unchanging pattern. You just have to keep moving, keep walking. Soon the valley will be a place that you can look back on because you came through it. It’s where you were, not where you are.

Maybe you are in a valley experience as you read this. I encourage you to keep moving. What does that look like? You have to decide that I am going to get through this. Ask God to help you. Shadow of Death situations are real. There are times when you just don’t know what to do. But a shadow does not mean that the light is not shining. It does not mean that God does not see you, know you and love you. He does. Ask for Help. Matthew 7:7 says, Ask and you shall receive. Many times we need help whether from God or from people put we don’t want to be perceived a certain way. When we do this, we allow pride to stand in our way. Ask God to send you who or what you need to get through your situation. I believe he will do it, because he’s done it for me so many times.

As I wrap up today’s post, I tried to tie one of my poems to this thought but, I couldn’t think of one. As I was typing, I kept hearing this song by CeCe Winans called, Alabaster Box. I used to sing back in the day.   ( )

The line in particular that I want to point out is, “You don’t know the cost of the oil. You don’t know the cost of my praise.” Because people think that they know you. That they have you summed up by what they perceived. But the truth of the matter is, you really don’t know the depth of me. The smile that you see is because I have a strength that is beyond me, it comes from the Lord.   It’s despite my failures, imperfections and short comings. It’s strength that comes from Jesus loving me and guess what… He Loves You Too!

I hope that this helps someone.


One last thing… if you would like to follow the blog, let me know at



2016 Less Whining and More War

peaceHappy New Year! I hope that it’s filled with moments that lead you into becoming the best you that you can be. Perhaps some of you, like me have decided to exercise more and eat better. Those are excellent resolves, especially if you ate like I did over the holidays. But, this year I have decided to do one more thing, maybe you can implement this into your year’s resolve as well, to Whine Less and Fight More. I guess you are wondering, hmmm Angela, what the heck are you talking about? Well, I’m glad you asked. 🙂

Let me tell you how I came up with this. A few days ago, I had a conversation with my good sister friend. I kind of expected this conversation to be similar to some of our previous conversations about conflict with her husband and family. But, her first sentence more than got my attention, it made my heart leap for joy. She said, Angela, I realize that I have been fighting all wrong. My words were not building up my marriage or my family. My words, were tearing us down. I want my marriage. So, I decided to start my day with prayer and reading my Bible; I have to fight differently.

This part made me laugh. You know how it is when you’ve been relaxing a bit and someone, like your spouse asked you about housework? It can kinda strike that annoyance nerve. When her husband came in and asked that question, she answered him differently than she had before. She was feeling peaceful, so her answer was peaceful. The result of the peaceful answer, he started cleaning the living room. She said, I’ll start dinner soon. He insisted that she rest, because she needed it. WHAT?! This really does work!

What gave them both a change of heart and perspective? The movie, The War Room. If you haven’t seen it yet, please do yourself a favor and watch it. It will give you a different perspective on how to go to war for your relationships. Especially those that it seems like your fighting has been futile. You love them but you get exhausted at the thought of seeing them because you know that an argument is going to ensue.

In the movie, the challenge was with a married couple with a daughter that was out of sync with one another. It was looking a little rough for them and they were feeling tired; not knowing if the relationship was worth saving. The older woman in the movie coached the wife on how to go to war for her family. Though the movie was about a married couple, the principles are the same no matter what the area is that you want to see change in.

So, I challenge you as we journey to becoming a “Better Version of Ourselves in 2016, Lets determine to have Less Whining and More War.

There are a few verses that come to mind when I think about Less Whining and More War. One is 2 Corinthians 10:3-5-3 (New Living Translation) We are human, but we don’t wage war as humans do. 4aWe use God’s mighty weapons, not worldly weapons, to knock down the strongholds of human reasoning and to destroy false arguments.

The 2nd is Proverbs 15:1-4 1A gentle answer deflects anger, but harsh words make tempers flare. 2The tongue of the wise makes knowledge appealing, but the mouth of a fool belches out foolishness. 3The Lord is watching everywhere, keeping his eye on both the evil and the good. 4Gentle words are a tree of life; a deceitful tongue crushes the spirit.

Lastly, Proverbs 14:1 1A wise woman builds her home, but a foolish woman tears it down with her own hands.

The last one really causes me to pause, because I never want to be that woman who tears down her own home by the words that I speak. It’s a frightening thought to me. But, I can definitely see how it can happen.

My pattern for this season, is that I would like to put one of my personal poems with each blog. (if you stroll through some of the recent post, you will see a link at the bottom of the post to hear me reading one of my poems.)  I didn’t have one that I really found fitting for this one. The youtube link below is from the movie, The War Room. It’s the prayer. Very profound!

Oh yeah, before I end this blog, I want to send a special HELLO 🙂  to those who are new to the blog!!!!

To everyone who is reading the blog, I welcome your comments even if your opinion differs from mine. If you want to comment without it being visible, you can send a message directly to me at I promise to personally respond. You can also become a follower of the blog if you aren’t already by sending an email request, whenever there is a new post, you will receive a “hot off the press” copy of it to your email.

We are on a journey. I’d like to hear how yours is going.

Happy New Year!!

Here’s the link: